DANCING

The late, great Gilda Radner - comic, writer, actress and wife of Gene Wilder passed away of ovarian cancer too soon.  

We all know her for her humor, her many voices, her spontaneity, her smile, her laughter.  But, what a lot of people don't know is that she was also a fierce fighter.  After being diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she fought.  Oh, she fought like a lion.  She researched, and became well-versed in alternative healing therapies, because the chemo was too strong for her frail body to handle. She became a vegetarian, and experimented with macrobiotics.  Some which helped, most which didn't.  She fought the doctors, obviously knowing her own body and it's limits better than they.  She knew what they didn't:  That she was working on borrowed time.

She also wrote a book, titled:  'I'm Dancing As fast As I Can';  Meaning - regardless of the challenges she faced, she always tried to stay one step ahead.  She knew her fate, because - above all else - she was a very intelligent person.  

So, when I'm facing adversity, and feel like I can't go on, I think of Gilda.  Her perseverance and tenacity, humor in the midst of darkness - give me strength.  Ever since I read her book, she's been my hero, my go-to person in times of need.  I can't explain it, but she feels like my soulmate, in a sense.

When ten different people ask me to do twenty different things, I say to myself:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can."  When I just want to give up, but the obligations are still there the next morning, I hear Gilda saying:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can...."  When I just want to sit down, but am called to stand up, I'm actually amazed:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can,"  I think....  When people make smart comments, and judgement calls on me and my situation, and I just want to say:  FUCK YOU !!  Instead, I calmly say:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can."  In other words - leave me alone.  I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, and if you could do it better, I'd certainly like to see you try.

Meanwhile - I'M  DANCING  AS  FAST  AS  I  CAN.

TOUR GUIDE

Oh, hi.  I'm Lydia.  I'll be your tour guide to HOMELESSNESS today.  If you could just please take your shoes off at the door... socks, too.. much appreciated.  Oh, and you can leave your dignity there, too - you won't be needing that where we're going.  Oh, dear... You're not really dressed for the occasion... But, that's ok.  I'll help you.  Don't worry... Just take my hand... here, let's go -

Ok, first - if you could fill out this form, yeah - that one too... then, uhm...turn it over and put your name here, sign here, there, yeah - there too.  Initial this, sign that, good.  Now, flip the page and - what did you say your name was?  Nevermind, it doesn't matter.... Right, okay - then - let's speed this up, it's almost lunchtime... okay - did you get that?  Read this, sign that... Initial here, here and there.... Now, date it... No, you don't need a copy, it's just for my files....

You have kids?  you get child support?  do you know who their dads are?  do you know WHERE their dads are?  Hhhhmmnn... What?  I'm sorry, no.  I didn't hear you - it doesn't matter. So, Uuuhhmmnn... You're gonna definitely need to come up with some additional income before we can help you.... How much?  Oh, I don't know.. you might have to come back tomorrow to complete the interview.  Wait.  Could you just wait here for a minute?  

20 M I N U T E S   L A T E R ------------>

Ok,  I'm back, just a few more questions... What did you say happened with your family? Really? When was that?  Could you call them for help?  Oh, you already did?  What did they say?  Oh, huh.... Well, what about your friends?  Neighbors?  Co-workers?  Really... oh, that's interesting... Well, do you have a contact number for them?  Maybe if I called them , and told them you were about to be homeless, they might want to help you more.... ?  You think?   Well, uuuhhmmnn.... aahhhhh... I mean, we could give it a try... So, otherwise - what's your plan?  Hhhhmmnn.. That hardly seems workable... Well, let me ask you this - what did you do with your tax refund?  Don't remember?  We really need that information for our files... Car payment, okay, clothes... A mini VACATION ??!!  Wow, maybe we should sign you up for budget counseling... Right, okay - that's uhhh.. You know what else we need?  Do you have your drivers license, birth certificate, social security cards, leases, utility bills, most recent bank statement ...Well, could you at least get your tax information for us?  No.  Right - I understand, well .... It's just procedure, really - for our files... So, when do you think you could bring in this information?  The sooner, the better.... Well, we can't help you without it..... No.  Sorry.... Yeah, I wish we could... But, without a workable plan ... It'll be hard to do... Uh huh.... I don't know the answer to that, let me check on it later.... Okay... No, that's not important..... Right... Just bring us the information we need, and maybe we can work something out from there... Meanwhile.... Why don't you call your mom and dad.. Oh, your moms dead?  Right, sorry to hear that - what about your dad? No?  but maybe if you tell him your situation... And then... no, well... uhh.... I don't know.... I don't think so....  Let me go check on that......

25 M I N U T E S  L A T E R ----------------->

Oh, hi - wow ... I almost forgot you were in here... Now, where were we?  Right, you were going to call your long, long, lost cousin on your Uncles side of the family, and .... Uh huh, right - you don't know his number?  Well, could you find it?  Yeah, no... We can't really do anything for you until you've exhausted all of your resources.. Let me ask you this - when was the last time you smoked, drank?  How often?  Uh, huh.... oh,.... I see... okay.... uhhhmmnn..... so.... is this a problem for you?  I mean.... do you need counseling or something?   Maybe I could give you a referral to the drug treatment program... right... okay,  oh - I almost forgot - could you read this and sign here?  There, too.   Uh, huh... No, that's ok - i understand, it's a lot to do - but we need this information for our files... This?  Oh, it's just a consent to talk to your counselor about the drug test results you're going to take this Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.... Don't have a car? have to be at work?  Well, no... no.. we aren't allowed to place you until you complete this mandatory drug testing and counseling... well, that depends... if you come up positive, we would need to have another meeting to discuss it... No, not really - yes - you have to go to every single one, you can't miss one.  Yes, someone will be in the room with you while you pee... It's just a process,.... don't worry - everyone does it... Yeah... Ok - so - did you have any other questions? 
Sorry, i don't know anything about that.... No, we won't have an answer for at least another week or so.... where are you supposed to sleep?  Well, I don't know... the shelters are full, and there're no hotel or motel rooms available, so i guess you'll just have to... make do.... are you SURE you don't have anyone you can call?  No?  Oh, wow - that's really too bad.... sorry we couldn't do more for you.... Maybe if you come back next month, we might have an opening then.... Bye bye.

EVIL PEOPLE

We've butchered the English language.  We throw around terms way, way too cavalierly.  But,  there are times when certain phrases fit certain people.  

In the many dealings I've had with Social Services, Police, court personnel, Judges and housing 'specialists' here lately, I've come to the conclusion that there are truly, evil people in this world;  I know this - because I've seen them up close and personal.  So, here's my 'evil people' roll call:

Kevin McParland, Esquire

Stacy Brooks, Rockville Housing Enterprises Account Manager

Gerry Peet, Rockville Housing Enterprises Property Manager

Montgomery County, MD Police and Sheriffs Officers (you know who you are)

Denise Anderson, DHHS Manager

Vera Johnson, DHHS Manager

Ina Weiser, DHS Case Worker

Uma Ahluwalia, DHHS Director

Trudye Khan, DHHS Assistant Director

Shaun Donovan, HUD Director

James Brown, HUD Regional Director

Catherine Scaringi, HUD OIG Investigator

The above is just a short list, but definitely stand out among the most evil I've had the misfortune of coming into contact with this last year.  There are others, the ones who used my private information to benefit themselves, and forward their fraudulent schemes;  The ones who actively worked behind the scenes counter to my goal of housing stability.  The ones who were so blinded by their racist, discriminatory practices and old-school belief systems, they couldn't see straight.  Those politicians and elected officials who couldn't be bothered to return my phone calls, or suspend their (re)election campaigns long enough to look into this disabled veterans claims, and numerous pleas for help.  Those who ignored President Obama's many initiatives to rapidly re-house homeless people, without pre-conditions;  Who enjoyed watching me wiggle and squirm during their many pointless interrogations about why and how I became homeless - determined to find fault with my decisions and lifestyle.  

It's said that the number of psychopaths and sociopaths slinking through our society masquerading as 'human' is more than originally thought;  I've had to interact with these people as a condition of receiving benefits.  I know they're evil, because being in their presence made my skin crawl, and the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.  That's what true evil feels like: Like you can't escape their presence fast enough;  Like you need to take a shower after being in the same room with them, like you'd be only too happy never to see them again.  You can see it in their eyes:  Their soulless, black eyes.  The glint of glee they get when they use their power to say: "NO";  Those who lied directly to my face, and repeatedly used disgusting manipulation techniques to further my emotional and psychological distress.  The list goes on, and on....

What's to be done about these people?  Why, Karma - of course.  Karma can be a BITCH...

ANYTHING

As I was sitting at the bus stop yesterday, I saw it:  The drivers had to stop at the light right in front of the bus stop, and I saw it again, repeatedly - in fact.  That look.  The one from drivers and passengers alike:  The one which said:  'I'm not sure how you got there, but I'd do anything not to be you.'  The blank, resolute stare which said - 'I'd. Do. ANYTHING.'


I'll put up with an abusive boyfriend, not to be you....
I'll put up with my alcoholic husband, not to be you....
I'll put off that divorce I've been wanting, so I don't have to be you.
I'll pawn my mothers wedding ring, so I can make this car payment and rent, not to be you...
I'll put up with my slob of a roommate, not to be you...
I'll work three jobs, not to be you....
I'll pretend to like someone I don't really like, just so I can get a loan from them;  Anything - not to be you...
I'll continue to live with my ignorant, judgmental in-laws, just so I don't have to be you....
I'll sell my soul, and sleep with the devil.... Anything - not to be YOU !


And, who am I?  Oh, well I'm a normal, average person whose fallen down on bad luck;  But they don't know that.  Any number of factors could be used to mix up a recipe of how I became ME.
Racism, discrimination, in my case - fraud, greed, waste, mismanagement and harassment led to eviction from a #HUD funded public housing complex called Rockville Housing Enterprises. Oh, they're horrible, nasty people - especially Stacy Brooks, the biggest (literally) and nastiest of them all.  They'd repeatedly send me eviction letters in the mail, and post the bright, yellow copy to my door for everyone in the neighborhood to see;  Despite the fact that I'd already paid it...  Ignore maintenance requests, talk bad about me to private sub-contractors behind my back, in general - smear my name and defame my character.  It wasn't bad enough that my home was in the worst part of town;  Complete with drugs, shootings and stabbings.... No, they also knowingly housed us in a mold-ridden home, which wasn't up to code;  Right next to an open sewage drain, rife with mosquitoes and other unsavory bugs, insects and debris.  It was toxic.  The whole situation was toxic, as a matter of fact.  It caused both my son and I to dread coming 'home'.  Did you ever feel that way?  But, I put up with it, WHY?!  Because I would've done anything, ANYTHING, not to be me.

BUBBLEGUM

My friends and I used to play a game when we were younger, called - 'Who can blow the biggest bubble'?!  It was like a dare.  A D-double-dog dare.  And you NEVER tun down a D-double dog dare.

So, we'd go at it:  Only one person could win, and he usually cheated by chewing 2 pieces of gum, rather than the requisite one.  Anyway, it would start off like fun - taking turns, and laughing when someone couldn't do it at all.  But, there was always that 'expert', who would be able to blow it the largest, and make it last the longest.  Then, there was the denouement - it popped. And it would cause the biggest mess:  All in his hair, nose, chin, ears, hands and clothes.  Then, he would furiously try to pick it off, which only made it worse.  Then - panic set in:  "What am I gonna tell my mom?!"

That's what my lawsuit against Rockville City, the Mayor and City Council is like now:  Fun and games, according to them, at least.  I had a pending civil suit against them in District Court, but they filed a Motion to Dismiss, and we had a hearing on it this morning.  They won, of course - because the judges and lawyers always stick together.  A thick band of merry thieves, those...

It was a cute little stunt, on behalf of their henchman:  One Mr. Payman Tehrani, Esq., Assistant City Attorney. I'm suing for a grossly inadequate amount, considering the damages I've incurred. But, see - while they're playing games with our lives, and abdicating responsibility for their culpability, it's fun.  I'm sure they had a nice laugh at my expense around the water cooler today.

But, what they don't know is that I'm like a dog with a bone:  I may have lost the battle, but I'm going to win the war.  I'm not going to stop until the City has to file bankruptcy to pay my damages;  Because I'm an old-fashioned fossil, who believes that housing is a human right, contracts weren't made to be broken, you don't ruin someones life just for kicks and giggles.

Yes, it may very well be a game to them right now, but the bubblegum is going to blow-up in their face.  When they're sued for quadruple the current amount, their name is synonymous with 'slumlord', they continue their pattern of discrimination and harassment - we'll go to war (metaphorically speaking, of course).  

There's a saying:  'There's nothing worse then backing a rabid dog into a corner', because he has nothing left to lose.  He'll panic, then attack.  And, you don't want to be in the room when that happens.  

I'm that dog.

HELP

"We're here to help you...."

Mannnnnnnnn... If I only had a nickel for every time I've heard that phrase this last year.  I'd be a very rich woman.

If "help" means patronizing me, ignoring me, disregarding me, harassing me, evicting me, threatening me, placating me, violating my civil rights, spying on me, stealing from me, breaking my household items, assaulting me... Ok, then yes - I've been "helped" a lot.  So much, I wish it would stop. So much, it's negatively affected my health.  So much, that my son's G.P.A. dropped from 3.0 to 2.0.  He used to be an Honor student, and active participant in his community, now I can barely get him out of bed. Oh, yeah - we've been "helped", alright.  Local politicians are so afraid to really help their homeless population, for fear of pissing off the white elite. NIMBY is alive and well, and (no pun intended) living in our backyard.  Lol... The common mis-perception is that there's always a ready charity, organization, group, department or agency there to pick up the pieces of our broken lives.  But, that ain't so.  Oh, sure - they take federal homeless assistance money, but they keep it for themselves.  See, it goes to that fuzzy thing called 'overhead'.  Staffing, outreach, electric, gas, fancy office space, paintings, cars, gas reimbursement, computers, paper, paperwork, studies, meetings, coffee, lunches, etc... etc... etc... You get the picture.  Oh - they're "helping", alright: Themselves.