DANCING

The late, great Gilda Radner - comic, writer, actress and wife of Gene Wilder passed away of ovarian cancer too soon.  

We all know her for her humor, her many voices, her spontaneity, her smile, her laughter.  But, what a lot of people don't know is that she was also a fierce fighter.  After being diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she fought.  Oh, she fought like a lion.  She researched, and became well-versed in alternative healing therapies, because the chemo was too strong for her frail body to handle. She became a vegetarian, and experimented with macrobiotics.  Some which helped, most which didn't.  She fought the doctors, obviously knowing her own body and it's limits better than they.  She knew what they didn't:  That she was working on borrowed time.

She also wrote a book, titled:  'I'm Dancing As fast As I Can';  Meaning - regardless of the challenges she faced, she always tried to stay one step ahead.  She knew her fate, because - above all else - she was a very intelligent person.  

So, when I'm facing adversity, and feel like I can't go on, I think of Gilda.  Her perseverance and tenacity, humor in the midst of darkness - give me strength.  Ever since I read her book, she's been my hero, my go-to person in times of need.  I can't explain it, but she feels like my soulmate, in a sense.

When ten different people ask me to do twenty different things, I say to myself:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can."  When I just want to give up, but the obligations are still there the next morning, I hear Gilda saying:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can...."  When I just want to sit down, but am called to stand up, I'm actually amazed:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can,"  I think....  When people make smart comments, and judgement calls on me and my situation, and I just want to say:  FUCK YOU !!  Instead, I calmly say:  "I'm dancing as fast as I can."  In other words - leave me alone.  I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, and if you could do it better, I'd certainly like to see you try.

Meanwhile - I'M  DANCING  AS  FAST  AS  I  CAN.